Re-evaluation Counseling and Adultism

I learned about adultism through Re-evaluation Counseling (aka RC or Co-Counseling), a grassroots movement that began in the early 50’s. Harvey Jackins and several friends figured out that they could exchange effective help with each other in the form of peer counseling. They also realized that the expression of emotion (crying in sadness, laughing in embarrassment, sweaty palms, trembling in fear, etc.) is actually the way to heal emotional hurts. So, a typical RC session splits the available time in half, and allows each person a turn at being client and counselor. The counselor’s role is to actively listen and support the client to “discharge” any emotions they feel about any topic that is of current concern. The client’s role is to dive into an issue that is currently causing distress. With regular sessions, as trust grows between client and counselor, deeper and deeper feelings can be expressed, feelings that often relate to an individual’s early run-ins with racism, classism, sexism, and of course, adultism.

RC has done some amazing things over the past nearly 60 years, one of them has been connecting emotional distress with the effects of various oppressions. Another has been to invite people to write about their experiences as they unearth the effects of oppression in their personal lives. These articles are published in a number of journals by the organization, which are available for purchase on their website. There are RC groups in many major metropolitan areas around the world, where classes and support groups are available. I encourage anyone who’s interested to visit the RC website. RC has been a fabulous resource in my life and offers an amazing amount of rich information about adultism.

My True Confession

This is a true confession of an “adultist” moment I had Friday morning at the gym where I work out three mornings a week. A young woman with whom I sometimes share a swim lane saw me having an animated discussion with a man my age in the Jacuzzi. When I stopped to chat with her, she said she thought we might be an “item.” I explained that he was my brother, laughed, and made a remark about her being “young and foolish.” After giving it some thought I realized what I meant to say was that she was a “romantic,” but somehow my brain chose a remark that commented on her age, as if that had any relevance.

Another woman in her 30’s told me a similar story recently. On a listserv to which they both belong, an older woman had made a pointed comment to her with the intended message that she was “too young” to understand; and this based only on seeing the 30-something’s photograph on her website.

There is a common belief and assumption that age confers wisdom, but I know a lot of stupid adults and a lot of smart young people. And being the recipient of adultist attitudes and behaviors doesn’t end at the age of majority. Adultism is something we work at changing in ourselves, just like we have worked to change our unconscious racism and sexism. I’m still working on mine. How about you?

The Foundational Oppression

If adults consistently disrespect a child, that child sees disrespect as a natural part of life. It doesn’t take long for her to start believing, without consciously thinking about it, that her ideas are not worthy of attention by adults and are therefore useless to society. There is a pervasive belief that only the ideas of adults are valid and that children have absolutely no credibility until they have attained the exalted state of adulthood (even though it is never clear what constitutes an adult!)

Once a person has been indoctrinated to consistent disrespect in the form of being overlooked, ignored, controlled, poked and prodded against his will…and another oppression comes along, like racism, classism or sexism, there is no fight left. The fight fled before the person even got conscious enough to realize “this is not right.”

Maybe it’s easier to see when the reverse is true. When a young person is respected from the beginning, when she is given a say in the things impacting her own life, when she feels a sense of power and control over her life, when her opinions and feelings are validated by the adults around her…and sexism (or sexual exploitation) or classism or racism comes along, it’s like, “What? Are you kidding me? I don’t deserve to be treated like this!”