Why Don't Adults Listen?

The following was submitted to my website by Jessica M. from Ireland. I have a space there for people to share their stories of adultism. (please visit it at: margaretpevec.com/adultism).

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Recently I was at an event and ran into the teacher of an art course I took when I was 16. She is much older than me and has children my own age.

We had a conversation and she asked me when I was going to learn to drive. I explained that I probably won't for the foreseeable future because I have a neurological problem. Her response?

“Well, you'll have to learn sometime.”

I explained that no, that is a very irresponsible view to take because I could have an attack and cause a crash. I also explained what my neurological issue was and exactly why it makes driving dangerous. She laughed and said 'but you'll have to learn sometime, it'll put you at such a disadvantage.

What got me was the difference in social status between us as “adult” and “young person” and the fact that older people are seen as wiser and more worthy of being listened to, whereas younger people are often seen as not having anything valid to say due to lack of life experience. And here was this “older person who knows best.” actually advising me to endanger my life and those of other people.

 

Youth Rights Day

In honor of the second annual Youth Rights Day today (chosen because it was John Holt's birthday, a man well worth knowing about in regards to youth empowerment), I reread a couple articles about lowering the drinking age at the National Youth Rights Association (NYRA) website. Their strongest argument is based on the phenomenon of "forbidden fruit;" that is, anything that's prohibited only makes it more attractive. Their next argument goes like this: with the emphasis on alcohol prohibition for people under 21, dialoguing about it in any rational way is not emphasized.

Funny the NYRA folks should bring that up! We (adults) don't want to engage in rational dialogue with youth, probably because they would make us confront our own irrational behavior, not only about alcohol, but with drugs, sex, and other "bad" stuff that humans so love to do.

I would get really upset about the craziness of our alcohol policy, except that all our major social policies are just as screwy, irrational, illogical, and need I say, counterproductive? Take your pick: policies about drugs, abortion, taxes, the death penalty, the right to die; compulsory education, all are based on fear, tradition, and one group (highly conservative, mostly fundamentalist Christian people) lording it over those of us that are ready for some major paradigm shifting.

Can't we get real and acknowledge our seemingly inbuilt tendency to want to alter our consciousness from time to time, probably so we can feel less afraid? Can't we acknowledge that simultaneous with wanting to alter our consciousness, we are ashamed of that impulse, so we pretend we don't want to, and officially prohibit young people from doing it as well? After all, we're not kidding anyone, especially youth.

In contrast, consider what the NYRA says in their article, titled "Solutions," about lowering the alcohol age: "It is time we as a nation implement a smarter alcohol policy; an alcohol policy based on education, toleration, and a message of responsible, moderate use." Whew...like a cool breeze billowing the curtains on a perfect spring day, eh?

Please check out the NYRA and their highly rational policy statements on drinking, voting, and curfew. And, next year, think about organizing for National Youth Rights Day (April 14), to stir up some dialogue about our crazy laws based on age.

The Foundational Oppression

If adults consistently disrespect a child, that child sees disrespect as a natural part of life. It doesn’t take long for her to start believing, without consciously thinking about it, that her ideas are not worthy of attention by adults and are therefore useless to society. There is a pervasive belief that only the ideas of adults are valid and that children have absolutely no credibility until they have attained the exalted state of adulthood (even though it is never clear what constitutes an adult!)

Once a person has been indoctrinated to consistent disrespect in the form of being overlooked, ignored, controlled, poked and prodded against his will…and another oppression comes along, like racism, classism or sexism, there is no fight left. The fight fled before the person even got conscious enough to realize “this is not right.”

Maybe it’s easier to see when the reverse is true. When a young person is respected from the beginning, when she is given a say in the things impacting her own life, when she feels a sense of power and control over her life, when her opinions and feelings are validated by the adults around her…and sexism (or sexual exploitation) or classism or racism comes along, it’s like, “What? Are you kidding me? I don’t deserve to be treated like this!”