Invading the Personal Space of Young People

The following was submitted to my website by Jessica M. from Ireland. I have a space there for people to share their stories of adultism. (please visit it at: margaretpevec.com/adultism)

An example of adultism I experienced and still feel strongly about is physical touch. As a child I remember adults seemed to think it was okay to openly touch me, hug me, or play with my hair, even if I didn't know them. I think the assumption was that if you're young, you don't understand boundaries, so they don't have to worry about overstepping boundaries with a young person. I have mild Asperger's symptoms and one of them is a strong aversion to touch. Being a child at the time, I didn't really know how to handle the behaviour except by recoiling or saying loudly and defiantly "I don't like being touched!" I was called "rude" and told they were just being friendly; that the appropriate response was to smile politely. I find that ironic, since if anyone behaved like that to an adult, it would be the person doing the touching who would be called rude and the adult would be quite within their rights to refuse the unwanted touch. Yet because I was a child I was expected to tolerate the behaviour and smile about it. My mother, to her credit, explained that it was okay to refuse physical touch but that I should do it in a calm and polite way, such as "Excuse me but I don't like being touched unless it's by someone I know well."

I also had teachers at school behave in this overly familiar way. They would casually take hold of my arm or even mess with my hair, and would act very shocked and concerned when I refused their touching. At one school there was actually a list of students' rights, one of them being "to refuse unwanted touches." Yet they didn't like it if I said I didn't like being touched and acted as if I were being rude just for asserting basic boundaries.

I still feel angry when recalling these incidents. They were the adults, I was the child, yet I was the one expected to tolerate their inappropriate behaviour, because they were adults therefore it was okay.

Your Invitation to Be Heard About Adultism

The following is a personal experience of adultism that was submitted recently on my website. I invite anyone who has a story from their current life or their past to submit your story or stories. They will eventually be published in a book about adultism. It is up to you whether you include your name or any identifying details. Your privacy, if you want it, will be totally respected and protected.
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I am in my senior year of high school in South Dakota. One of my teachers, I’ll call her Mrs. X, recently accused me and my girlfriend of cheating on an essay test because we used our own paper instead hers. We were given the questions ahead of time, and we were accused of writing our answers together and bringing them to class. We explained that we did not cheat in any way, and told the teacher that we had gone to another teacher for advice on how to write a good essay on the upcoming test, and used that teacher’s advice. There was no way we could have written 2 essay answers in the 5 minutes we had after speaking to the other teacher. Mrs. X and two other teachers sat us down and said that our evidence didn’t matter, and that we were going to be punished. We went to our principal, and he became angry that we went to him. He had a discussion with Mrs. X, and we were later told that we weren't being accused of cheating but were being punished because we didn't follow directions and use Mrs. X's paper. When we said she never told us to use her paper, we were ignored and we had to take the test again or take a large point deduction on our first test. Our school record has a cheating incident on it with Mrs. X.
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Have you ever been accused of cheating with no opportunity to be taken seriously when you denied it? Have you ever expected to be supported by an adult, and found out that in the case of adult vs. youth, the adult wins? Share your story here in comments or on my website.